Starting Over
by ishipyouandme
Summary: A small Lorraine & Nikki story which is set just after episode 24. Just a crazy idea that I thought of. Hope you enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**I've basically written 99% of this outside college in the morning in the cold, and when I was like, really sad, so I'm sorry that it's not very good. It's my version of what could've happened after episode 24 & it's going to be a 2 part fic! I hope you enjoy, and I hope I'm not the only one missing Lorraine like crazy, because that would be weird. Have fun reading, peace out. **

"I'm not putting my heart on the line, so that you get some practise at being a human being. I'm sorry... It's just how it is." She mumbled, her voice still strong even if she was hurt, before she turned and walked away, quickly, as if she couldn't get away fast enough.

I felt as if my heart had split in two. I had made the strong army woman break down. Me, the person who she should be the closest to, the one she loved... I knew I was still uncomfortable about the whole 'being out' thing, and my pride told me just to forget about her and walk away, but I couldn't. Not again.

"Nikki wait!" I half shouted, not trying to draw too much attention to either of us. She paused slightly before she continued walking, as if she was having some sort of internal debate of whether to stop or not. Walking faster, I tried to catch up to her, my pace quickening with each step I took.

"Please..?" I mumbled, barely above a whisper. It was probably more of a silent thought to myself, but Nikki stopped, turning around to face me with tears in her eyes, causing a massive surge of guilt to rush through me.

I carried on walking until I was directly in front of her, reaching my hand up to reach her cheek, my thumb wiping away the tears that had started to fall, feeling a few of my own gathering in my eyes. Threatening to fall, making me look weak. I didn't care though, I could trust Nikki, she wouldn't judge me.

"Lorraine... Don't." Nikki mumbled, trying to move away, shaking her head slightly. I wrapped my arm around her waist, using all my strength to keep her close to me, to stop her from walking away, away from us.

Hearing someone slam a classroom door shut, I flinched slightly, but I didn't remove my arm from her waist. She was watching me, analysing my every move, clearly wondering what I'd do now someone else was in the corridor, clearly thinking that I'd run away. Leaning in, I kissed her neck softly, feeling her shiver underneath my touch. The feelings were still there, I just had to battle to get them out, and to convince mine to stay.

"Your office? PRU? We need to talk Nik... Anything you want to know, I'll tell you. I promise." I whispered, trying to convince her to go somewhere with me, so we could finally talk in private, with no gossiping teachers or pupils around. Even if I didn't mind the odd person seeing us together, I wasn't exactly going to have a personal and what could be a very emotional conversation out in the corridors of Waterloo Road. The news of a teacher relationship would spread like wildfire, with both kids and teachers contemplating about what they thought was going on.

"Tom's in the office, and Audrey's doing something in the PRU so we can't exactly go there Lo… Lorraine." She mumbled, trying to move away again, my hold on her only increasing. I noticed how she was about to call me Lo, my old nickname. She was Nik, I was Lo. It was pretty soppy really, but it was a guilty pleasure of mine…

"Ok, what about… I know, just come with me." I asked, my voice slightly demanding. I was determined for this to work. Nikki didn't resist, so I took her hand and started walking in the direction of the drama supplies room. It was private, secure… I could say what I wanted to, apologise, and hopefully get her back. I felt like a teenager again, all these feelings…

Entering the room, I quickly shut the door and turned around to face Nikki, not too sure of what to say. She'd stopped crying, but there were still tears in her eyes, threatening to fall. Just like mine. Neither of us said anything, but I didn't think any of us knew how to. Words never solved anything, actions did. Michael always used to tell me that I would go far in life, he used to encourage me, but nothing happened. His words didn't get me my millions, my actions did. I worked hard, I made myself millions and I made myself proud. Moving closer to Nikki, I noticed that she was looking down, trying to avoid eye contact, and I knew I had to do something now before she left. After all, actions speak louder than words…

Placing one hand on her waist, I pulled her closer to me, whilst using my other hand to lift her chin up, smiling softly at her. I edged closer, counting my breaths… One, two, three… Waiting wasn't an option anymore, the way she looked at me suggested that she wanted to go, but she also wanted me to kiss her, to prove to her that I was sorry… So that's what I did.

Tilting my head upwards, I moved closer again, making sure there was no distance between us, and I pressed my lips lightly on hers before pulling away, looking into her eyes to find a reaction, to see what she was feeling. Nothing. Just silence. Her mouth opened, as if she wanted to say something, but she quickly closed it again, clearly changing her mind about whatever it was she wanted to say, before she pressed her lips on mine, harder this time, pushing all her emotions out of her and into the kiss. Smiling into the kiss, I kissed her back, letting passion take over before she stopped, quickly ripping her lips away from my own, confusion taking over.

"Nik…?" I asked, not moving away from her.

"I... I can't do this Lorraine. You heard me, I'm not putting my heart on the line for you. I'm not getting hurt again!" Mumbling, then shouting. She said it all.

I quickly shook my head, placing my finger over her lips. She didn't resist, and she placed her head on my shoulder, her body shaking slightly underneath me. Another surge of guilt rushed through me, Nikki Boston, the strong army woman, was crying. I'd broken her. Emotionally comforting someone was never one of my strong points, so I had no idea what to do. If it was me who made her upset, would she want me cuddling her? Telling her that's it all going to be ok, that I won't hurt her again? Proving myself to Nikki was going to be one hell of a hard task, but proving to myself that I could do it... Well that's another story. She was still close to me, her head on my shoulder, holding me as I held her. Maybe this was a sign, a good sign, that she wanted me to comfort her. So I did.

Stroking her short, dark brown hair, I moved enough out of the way so I could give her a small peck on the cheek. Nothing too much, nothing too soppy, just something to tell her that I wasn't going to go anywhere.

"I'm not good with emotions. They scare me. I... I shut down." I whispered, my lips close to her ear. Telling her things that are only meant for her. My breath on her skin, causing her to shiver slightly underneath my touch. "I want to prove to you something... Prove it to myself, too. I'm not going to run away anymore. I've got loads of plans for this place, remember? And me and you... We're the ones to make it 'appen." I quoted, remembering the line from before we first kissed, my accent making itself known on the final word.

I felt her shuffle awkwardly beneath me, but before I had a chance to register any negative thoughts, her lips were once again on mine, and this time I felt a slight smile on her face, giving me reason to smile back. Pulling away slightly, looking into her eyes, I finally saw a glimmer of happiness, something that created butterflies in my stomach. It made me feel happy, normal, human.

"Back to mine tonight then?" I asked, smiling, nervous, not wanting to push her too far when we'd barely even registered what was going on.

"Wha… What about the awards show thing?"

Oh shit. I'd completely forgotten about that… Josh wasn't going anyway, and going alone wasn't really an option, nor was taking Nikki. It wasn't that I wasn't proud of her, it was just that it wasn't exactly her style… There was something else we could go to tonight, however…

"Josh isn't going, neither am I. I'll just say I've got an emergency or something. This…" I said, placing my hand over her heart, shouting at myself internally for being so cheesy. "This is what matters to me right now, ok?" I stated, smiling at her, receiving a beautiful smile back. She didn't say anything, just smiled, a real smile, which was something I hadn't seen off Nikki since I broke it off.

Our lips connected once more, savouring the time we had left together before we had to go back to work. Not that it mattered, I paid her wages, so she's not in any danger of having them cut. So we kept going, we kept going until we had to stop for air, ragged breaths escaping our mouths. We stopped then, resting our foreheads on one another's whilst we caught our breath, my hands tightly holding onto Nikki's, scared to let go. I was scared that I was going to ruin everything again… But this time, this time there was something different about me.

This time, I was going to do things right.

Tonight, I'd show her how much she means to me, public place or not.


	2. Chapter 2

**Ok so once again I'm writing this in college because I'm on my own. Team loner! I know that the breakup was in the summer term, but we're going to pretend that it's in the winter term & that it's November, ok? Good. Oh & **_**thank you SO much**_** for the reviews. :)**

"Lorraine, where are we going?" I asked, turning my head slightly to face the blonde benefactress driving the car. I had absolutely no idea where she was taking me. It was pitch black and cold, so being me, I'd dressed for the occasion. My long, navy trench coat was keeping me warm, keeping me from succumbing to the cold weather outside, but Lorraine however, had decided that her small leather jacket would be enough, although she did swap her dress for some jeans. That was something I loved about our relationship, I could see her wearing casual clothes, something that nobody else would get to see her in. It wasn't exactly something spectacular, but it meant something to me. In some ways, it felt like it was Lorraine's way of telling me that she trusted me, just like when she promoted me to deputy head. Other people, like Christine, probably had better skills for the job yet she still chose me.

Smiling at the thought, I turned my head once more and started watching her drive. There was just something attractive about watching Lorraine drive... The way she sped down the roads, driving past other people like she had no care in the world, I loved it. I also hoped that by staring at her, I'd manage to get an answer out of her about where we were going.

"Nik, quit staring at me..." She mumbled, her face flushing slightly in the darkness, thinking that I couldn't see. I could. Sitting there, I tried to contemplate a witty reply, but my mind had gone black. Instead, I just smirked before turning back to face the front window, trying to once again, figure out where we were going.

I didn't have to wait long before Lorraine pulled into a small, bumpy car park, whilst mumbling something about how this better not damage her car, making me laugh slightly. She quickly exited the car, but before I'd even had a chance to exit myself, she'd opened my door and flung herself on my lap, wrapping her arms around me, giggling softly. Again, this was another thing I loved about our relationship; seeing her human side. She could be a hard faced bitch at Waterloo Road, only focussing on the business aspect, not giving a fuck about how other people may feel. When she was with me however, she opened up, showing me that she did have human emotions, even if she was scared of them. I loved being the person that she opened up to... Maybe that was the reason why I decided to give her a second chance.

"Is this the big surprise then, Lo? A spontaneous rendezvous in a car park?" I asked, smirking slightly. I knew it would provoke a reaction, and I wasn't wrong. She slapped me softly before mumbling her response.

"That's not my style, Nik. I'm not some slapper." She added, winking at me to let me know she was joking, before she placed her lips on mine, her cool lips refreshing in the heat of the car. As much as I loved the feeling, I knew there was an important question to be asked. Something that would continuously be at the front of my mind if I didn't. Pulling away from her slightly, I looked in her eyes, noticing the lust that was evident there. It was now or never.

"Lo...? What's changed? What makes our relationship different to how it was before?" I asked, my voice confident even though I was mumbling, unsure of what the answer could be. I wasn't even sure if she'd answer... This was Lorraine Donnegan after all.

"I... I don't know how to explain it. Before I... I broke it all off because Michael knew. He already knew I was gay because I had, well, flings during my time in his school, but I knew he'd tell Christine, and she'd take great pleasure in telling everybody else. I was scared, a coward, but I just... It was an in the moment decision. I'm sorry..." She mumbled, her voice not sounding at all like her usual strong self. I understood though, if Christine knew then it would be around the school in 1 hour. But that could still happen...

"You know that could still happen..." I whispered, watching her for any signs of regret about getting back with me. I saw nothing.

"Even though we'd only broken up for... A few hours at most, I was so upset. You know me, I can put emotions aside to get on with my work, but I couldn't do it then. You were always on my mind, and I hated what I'd done to you. In that moment I realised that... Well other people's opinions don't matter, as long as we're happy, right?"

"Right." I replied, smiling. Glad she'd opened up to me. "And... You're not going to run again?"

"Nope. You're stuck with me now!" She replied, a flirtatious tone creeping into her voice. "Now, come on. Everybody is arriving and we have to go." She added, opening the door and pulling me out, not removing her hand from mine. I still had absolutely no idea what was going on. Many wealthy looking people were getting out of their expensive looking cars and were walking over to a large, well-kept field. Who knows what Lorraine had planned…

As I was about to ask, a loud bang erupted in the sky, beautiful, coloured sparks flying everywhere. Fireworks. I quickly turned my head towards Lorraine, whose smile was stretching from ear to ear, something I hadn't seen in some time… Noticing me staring at her, she squeezed my hand, blushing slightly before we both started walking over to a nice spot, just underneath a tree, with a perfect view of the fireworks which were about to start.

"These some of your friends or…?" I asked, interested to know who these people were.

"God no. I've only spoken to most of them once. Only interested in money." She replied, bluntly, as usual, making me worry slightly. Were we back to square one just because we were around people? But then, we were still holding hands… Fuck, this is confusing. Maybe I should try something… I pulled Lorraine closer to me, testing her almost, trying to see what her reaction would be, expecting her to pull away. Expecting the worst.

However, I didn't expect her to wrap her arms around me, cuddling up closer to me, feeling her shiver slightly from the bitter cold air. I rolled my eyes, I did tell her to bring a coat, but then I suddenly felt guilty. I shouldn't have just assumed she was going to pull away and hide… We spoke about that. I guess trusting people who have already hurt you is much harder than I thought, but I could do it, I wouldn't let her slip away from me again…

"Cold?" I asked cockily, removing the negative thoughts from my head, knowing that her pride would never allow her to say yes.

"No." she mumbled, cuddling into me even more, basically proving that everything she had just said was a lie. I sighed, pulling her closer to me, feeling her squeeze my hand softly.

"Thank you…" she quickly mumbled, pulling me out of my thoughts, confusing me for a moment.

"What for?" I asked, genuinely confused as to why she was apologising.

"Giving me a second chance." She replied, catching me off guard with her genuine honesty. She was allowing her feelings to appear, and that was enough for me.

"You've already earned it, Lo… But hey, quick making me all soppy!" I replied, laughing, feeling her laugh too. I couldn't have wished for anything better.

_**(-)**_

10 minutes later and all I could feel was Lorraine's skinny body shaking on mine. I knew she should've brought a coat. Sighing, I pulled away from her, watching as confusion fell onto her face, before removing my own jacket and handing it to Lorraine, smiling as she put it on. It drowned her, but I thought it looked good, and I didn't have to worry so much about the cold. I was wearing warm clothes underneath, and my days in the army had taught me to deal with the cold.

"Better?" I asked, grinning at how cute she looked in it before cursing myself for sounding like such a hormonal teenager. Grow up, Nikki…

"Much. Thank you." She replied, biting her lip seductively before cuddling back up to me. Wrapping my arms around her once more, we both turned to watch the fireworks, our eyes lighting up with each new explosion. In some ways it reminded me of our relationship, we started off with a bang and we disappeared for a while, but we became something beautiful afterwards… I'd never tell Lorraine that, though. God, she'd think I'm some hormonal idiot, but then again… Maybe I was. Lorraine brought that side out of me, just like I brought the human side out of her.

_**(-)**_

Just as the final firework went off, I quickly span Lorraine around, crushing my lips onto hers, ignoring the wolf whistles and murmured comments that were coming from around me, just like Lorraine was. She was proving herself to me once again… And I loved it.

So I carried on kissing her. Kissing underneath the fireworks.

And that's how I liked it.


End file.
